Last week on my plane ride home from New Mexico, I sat next to a friendly man who struck up conversation, which quickly led to the question of “So, what do you do?”
When my conversations with people lead to “What do you do?” and I tell them I’m a sex and relationship coach and a sexuality educator, their wheels always turn, immediately looking for some framework in which to put my work. Inevitably, they cannot find one.
When I told him I teach sexuality, he began with questions that went from curious: “Wow, so what does that mean?” to over-eager comments: “I just LOVE sex. I think sex should be part of EVERY day!” to inappropriate: (as he put his hand on my knee) “So do people ever assume things about you because of what you do? You know, come on to you or things like that?”
“Like you are doing right now?” I asked. Then to oblivious: “Oh, does that bother you?” To sincere: “I’m sorry if I offended you.”
My career does sometimes confuse people, so I thought I’d start my 2012 blog by explaining it a bit and talking about what you get when you invest in your sexuality.
I assist people with one of the most important least talked about aspects of their lives. I work to help people change harmful relationship patterns and sexual practices so that they can have more pleasure, better sex, deeper intimacy, and ultimately, live more fulfilled lives. There are not many places where you can do this thoroughly, unless you have an incredible therapist who has a strong background in sexuality, and sadly, they are uncommon—even though sexuality is at the crux of so many of people’s problems, pain, and crises.
Given all this, it’s understandable more people do not choose to work on developing their sexual lives earnestly, since most people do not know where to go for support. We all need support for our sexuality and relationships at some point in our lives. But we also learn the taboos that say “Don’t talk about sex. It’s private.” Or false ideals: “You shouldn’t need help with sex. It should come naturally.” What I know is that when someone like me comes into the midst, like with the guy on the plane, people can’t stop talking about sex because they are so glad to have the space where they actually CAN.
Sex is complex, sometimes confusing and one of the most fulfilling parts of our lives when we are doing well with it. Our relationships, regardless of whether they are sexual, are an essential part of our joy and our everyday lives. That’s why people work with me. They want their intimate lives to be the best they can possibly be and they are searching for tools to help them with it.
My clients experience huge breakthroughs via our work that are life-changing. The only difference between them and you is that they’ve made the commitment to do this work.
When you invest in yourself you get back in untold ways. The times in my life when I’ve made big monetary, time and energy investments in myself and my own growth have felt wonderful. They actually made me HIGH because it feels that good to invest in me. When I work on myself and I grow, the feeling I have is total empowerment. I’ve done a lot of my work so I can give my learning to my clients. I can’t help clients walk through doors that I haven’t opened wide and walked through myself.
So I hope you are choosing to invest in yourself in 2012. If your sexuality is a part of you that needs a serious tune-up, then listen to that need and take action. If you are ready, I want to work with you one-on-one in 2012. I will meet you right where you are right now to help you grow your relationships and sexual self so you live a more fulfilled and powerful life NOW.
What do you say? Do you want that? If so, then why would you wait?