When I tell someone that I’m a sex coach, they generally find it confusing. Often, I will hear, “Oh, so like, you’re a sex therapist?” Well not exactly. “So then, what is it that you actually do?”
Sex coaching has made it to the news a few times and I was interviewed for a feature FOX News did on the topic. Yep, FOX News talked about sex coaching! What progress we are making. Sex coaching has been sensationalized and even poked fun at because there is not a clear understanding of what sex coaches do. I think that’s because of a couple things:
1) Sex coaching is relatively new so many people have no baseline of information about it; and
2) People are really hung up about sex and don’t realize that we actually need to study, learn and be guided in order to be the best lovers and the happiest sexual people we can be.
A sex coach is someone who helps you with your sexual and relationship life so that you can heal your sexuality, fill in gaps in your sexuality education, and be more powerful as a sexual being. Sex coaches deal with sex head-on without any blame, shame, or negative judgment so that clients can talk about the things that are hard to talk about and get out of shame and into pleasure and fulfillment. We work with people who are single and with people in relationships. I work with both!
There are actually many different kinds of sex coaches. What I do is pretty unique and I use a system for coaching that I have developed organically out of the work that I have done with people for years. There are some things that every person who wants to work on their sexuality in a serious way will have to do in order to grow.
Sex coaches act as educators as part of our work because most people have had sub-par sex education. People need to learn the stuff no one ever taught them about sex from someone who knows about sex and isn’t going to pontificate about what they should and shouldn’t be doing. That’s the job of a priest, not a sex coach!
Sex coaching is different from therapy because it’s not focused on healing past wounds as much as it’s about creating your life in the present. So sex coaching can be therapeutic, yet it addresses your specific concerns in a powerful way that can transform your life.
“The Sessions” features Helen Hunt and John Hawkes as a sex surrogate and her disabled client.
Not all sex coaches are created equal. There is no standardized sex coaching training that coaches complete, although there are some programs that train sex coaches in specific types of coaching practices. For instance, some coaches work hands-on with clients. They might sit along side a client and help her learn how to have an orgasm while she masturbates herself. Some coaches lend more than a helping hand. Some practitioners identify as Sexological Body Workers, which is a hands-on approach to helping someone with their blocks and can be very powerful for the right clients. While the focus of my coaching is not this type of hands-on work, I have a lot of respect for it and for how powerfully it can change people’s lives and open them up to pleasure.
I take a holistic approach to sexuality in my coaching practice. I work with my “9 Essential Steps to a Sexually Empowered Life” because I know that sex operates in the context of one’s life, and that context must be worked on—not just what happens with the sex act itself. For this reason, my work also encompasses the relationships you choose to have, your emotional patterns that get in the way, your feelings about your body, the way you deal with sexual shame, and much more.
I know my work is very powerful and creates lasting transformation in my client’s lives. I absolutely love helping women and couples transform how they approach sex, how they love their bodies, how they develop and fulfill desire, how they shift frustrating patterns, and how they have the deeper intimacy and pleasurable relationships they so deserve. It’s an absolute honor to midwife people through a process of coming home to the self and honoring their own deepest desires.
I think that everyone needs help with their sexuality at some point in their life. The vast majority of people won’t actually seek out support. Will you be the one who will prioritize your sexuality and develop your sexual life? Or will you let it quietly fade away, or leave it alone in its shame to eat away at itself? The choice is yours, and now that you know there are options for you in order to develop your sexuality, I hope you’ll accept one…or two or three!
Amy,
I stumbled onto your blog from a podcast you did with Tristan Taormino. I’m incredibly interested in sex coaching but I am not in a place right now where I can afford any training. However, due to my passion for sex education, I am trying to create a Sacred Sexuality class that I want to teach in the local yoga community. I do have an MA in psychology, have a long-standing meditation (I’m Buddhist) and yoga (expired RYT) practice, and I have a good amount of experience teaching, presenting at conferences, and leading discussion groups on topics spiritual and academic (currently going through some ongoing teacher training within my Buddhist tradition). I am not an expert nor am I trained in any particular spiritual sexuality practices (White Tigress, Taoism, etc.), but I see a desperate need for an open space to discuss sexuality in our culture (particularly in the South; I’m in Birmingham, AL) and feel like I want to assist in that area.
I’m reaching out to various sex educators that I’ve come to trust through the years for advice on how to best proceed, particularly seeking guidance on any legal issues that might come up. I’ve created a (now second draft) proposal that I am going to send out to various local yoga studios, if that will help you in seeing what I’m envisioning: http://www.mediafire.com/?i103a9d16anoab1. Any advice on any level would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for everything you do.
Kevin
How did this turn out for you? I am currently looking to do something similar.
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Hi Amy,
I happen to gindmyself curious, looking for help and they there is coaching avaisble. Can you please email me? I wouldke to afloat s few euedyions. No idea really Rhee to start.
Sorry for the typo’s.
This article is extremely interesting. I am intrigued by the way you talk about how you are able to coach people about sex and the way they are with their partner. I write about many different types of coaching and found your article while doing research. You seem very educated and informed with coaching couples. I have written an article on relationship coaching found on our website. But I think I would like to speak or communicate with you more in the future. We would be interested in promoting you as a sex coach for our readers.