I have not felt a conscious lack of self-worth much in my life, as I have always had a healthy amount of self-confidence, know-how, go-get-‘em energy, ability, and a long list of accomplishments.
Yet there is more—more that I want and more to extract from this picture.
The thing about unworthiness is it’s a sneaky beast, sometimes not so obvious.
I’ve been thinking about unworthiness a lot. I’ve been looking at it in myself in a way I never really did, seeing that somewhere inside there is clearly an unconscious feeling of unworthiness, underneath my arrogance and superior know-how.
I know there’s a part of me that feels I’m not worthy of all the success and expansion I have always wanted and feel I consciously deserved, otherwise, it would all be here.
Where is the disconnect?
A part of me likes not getting what I want because working hard to get it keeps me striving and proving my worth by all I do. As an achiever this feels more satisfying on a deep unconscious level. Keep myself wanting, then I keep myself working hard.
To just receive it all would render me able to be at ease and I know working hard and striving in these bones and I’ve told myself because I was told so many times, that this is what I’m supposed to do. (Hint: That’s a story, one that Americans really love.)
Part of me gets off on not quite being good enough because then I can blame the outer world as I prove how hard I have worked and therefore have done my part. It’s someone else’s fault. I get to be victimy and incomplete, noble in my unmet greatness because I’ve done all I can.
It’s the world that is fucked up, not me.
If I dropped all this unworthiness, if I let go of needing to be the best and anchored into trust that the Universe has me, Spirit has me, then I am not only capable, but I am worthy of going all the way, and then I could breathe, relax and trust.
If I surrender to the knowing that I have done all I can and that I am inherently worthy, not because I have done something to prove I am, but because of being my human self, then all of the noise and distraction on my own self-actualization path moves out of the way.
(Cut to: Getting over it.)
I’ve been asking a lot of questions, starting with, What is worthiness anyway?
How can I have self-confidence if I do not have worthiness?
How am I unworthy if others feel threatened by me? What is the relationship of one to the other?
I allow other’s feelings of being threatened to impinge on my own true deep worthiness.
I fear I won’t be met or have the support I need so then I create not having the support I need. BINGO!
If I am worthy, I keep going and I do not take in the insecurities others would project onto me. I see them for what they are. They belong to someone else.
The truth is that it is challenging to stay in my worthiness and carry the torch when I am surrounded by people who are insecure and question their own worth, as has often been the case (since most humans suffer from a deep existential unworthiness).
I can lift others up, and then they must lift themselves up.
It is much better to surround myself by others who believe themselves genuinely Worthy, so we raise the entire vibration and elevate our worthiness and power to create our lives.
I draw those to me who live from their power and confidence and are capable of magic and know it.
I get to feel what true worthiness feels like in my body and bones and that opens me up to all that I really want.
In my worthiness, I get to drop the false stories of the fears I have carried that maybe I am just not good enough, the fear that if I am seen for all my talents and creations, I will be torn down, made wrong, and that my deep fear of unworthiness will be proven right in the imperfection of my creations.
In my worthiness, I get to stand in my own deep knowing of myself without a care for anyone else, or what their conclusions are because my conclusions and Spirit’s are what truly matter.
Worthiness is mine to claim right here, right now, and to know it is at the foundation of my living a potent, alive, present life (where I’m not striving into the future all the time).
I am worthy at every level of great success, accomplishment and contribution! So are you!
And we are worthy just because we exist. Or we would not exist in the first place.
Treat yourself like the Superstar you are, and stop looking for someone else or a payday to validate it.
You are worthy. Just because you are human. Believe it.