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This week I am in Phoenix, very hot Phoenix, and I have been thinking about the idea of the things that people tolerate. I hear all of the time about the things people are tolerating in their sexual lives that, a lot of time, they don’t even realize they are tolerating. We get so used to something being there or it being a certain way.
It might have even upset us at first, but then it gets to the point where we just get so comfortable with whatever it is we are tolerating, that we just don’t even know that it’s there any more. Or, we just need to keep it in that place because we need to keep the status-quo in our lives.
I think that it is really important to look at what you are tolerating. Are you tolerating things about a relationship you are in that you really shouldn’t be tolerating? Are you tolerating things about your body that you shouldn’t be tolerating, or your health? Are there things that you are pushing to the side, or not really dealing with? Are you tolerating a sexual life that has very little energy being put into it? Or are you not getting the sex that you want? Are you not even masturbating, connecting to your own body, or your own pleasure? Your sexuality can become such a dormant part of the self, something that you don’t even acknowledge anymore.
There are a lot of reasons why people go into that place of toleration. We make tradeoffs with our sexuality for other things—to be secure in our relationship, to have the other things we want in our lives. I often hear this from people, “I really want to be with this person, they have all of these wonderful qualities.” “We have fun together…I really care about them but there is no sexual passion.” “There is no real joy or pleasure.”
For some people, they had that in the beginning and it fades; and for others, they never had it at all. This is something that you really need to look at, and ask yourself if having that joy and that pleasure is important to you.
I truly believe that we were put on this planet to live a pleasurable life, to truly experience the depth of pleasure that our bodies – and our psyches – are capable of. We wouldn’t have been given all of our senses if we weren’t really here to experience them. Is this something that you really want to forgo in this lifetime? Or, is that something that you will value, and work to make sure that you have?
If there are things that you are tolerating that are keeping you from having the life that you want, I really encourage you to look at those tolerations. Start to get rid of the things that you are tolerating. I don’t think that we are here to tolerate life, and that is really what it is to be fully sexually empowered.
If you’re trying to figure out what in your relationship you shouldn’t tolerate and how you can bring back more joy and pleasure in your life, join me for the 6-week online coaching circle Bringing Sexy Back. Overcome mental barriers holding you back sexually and explore more sexual possibilities with the support of other individuals and couples and myself, a sex educator with over 20 years of experience.
We start February 4th. Find out more about Bringing Sexy Back 2020 here.