Many women show up in my sexual empowerment work on the heels of their divorce.
The feelings in post-divorce can range from feeling betrayed, like you missed out on something important, regret that you have boxed yourself up and put yourself away for so long, a longing for the sexual life and experiences you never had, and/or fear about what comes next.
Some people feel broken and deeply wounded, some feel enlivened and excited about what’s next, some know they need to heal, and many are ready to have more vibrancy, joy and sexiness in their lives.
The reality is that every person who partners in their life will lose a partner at some point—either to divorce or death.
What I have seen (and experienced myself) is that this is an incredibly potent time of our lives. There is so much that opens up in this period of leaving a long-term relationship that may have defined us in many ways, limited what we thought we could do or experience, and kept us in a certain lane.
Now the whole highway is wide open, you get to choose your lanes, explore and expand who you are and your life—if you choose.
It’s an incredibly creative time when people reconnect to parts of themselves they lost, dive deep into their art, build new businesses or career paths, write books, and get to have relationships that are more suited to who they are now, rather than who they were back then.
One’s erotic energy can wake up and be ready to play! It can feel scary at first. How do I flirt? I forgot how to make moves. How do I find new dates who are right for me? Where do I begin to reclaim my sexuality, pleasure and desire?
It is a time of great empowerment, learning to stand on one’s own two feet and go for what you really want.
It is a time of reckoning with the past and letting it go. If you don’t, the resentment will eat you alive and spit out the bones. You get to heal the anger, the disappointment, the feeling that you failed. You get to be tender with yourself and your blooming heart.
You also get to go for the things that you put away because you didn’t think you got to have them in your last relationship.
You get to announce the new you to the world with pride.
You get to buck the hurtful ideas that you are somehow broken, or not lovable, or unworthy of the relationship(s) you really want.
You get to try new things on, shed the old patterns, and recreate your life on your own terms. That is a magnificent place to be.
Losing a partner to death or divorce can be painful, and yet, it opens up possibility in a way that allows the best of yourself to come forth.
It is a developmental stage of adulthood, going from being entwined in a couple, to being your own person and meeting life from a place of freedom and expansion.
Enjoy the ride, and sink your teeth into all the learning, growing, exploring and generating you dream of. Life is now and it’s so sexy and sweet.