One of the greatest fears I hear from people from all walks of life and backgrounds, is that they are sexually broken. Many times they are welling up with tears, and this is the first time they’ve ever voiced this to someone.

It’s painful to feel like you are sexually broken because parts of yourself have gone missing.

Feeling broken is this idea that there is something about you that’s not fixable, that isn’t whole, that is missing or doesn’t work.

Most of us experienced sexuality as something that was judged, controlled, shamed, or deemed base or “less-than”. So to feel whole, in and of itself, means you must heal all of that.

If your whole self is contained in the form of one large mirror, and that mirror shattered into a gazillion pieces, there might be fragments that you forget about, yet they are as much a part of you as they used to be part of the whole mirror.

To exile parts of yourself is to reject aspects of self which will feel fragmented and not whole.

To disenfranchise your body, your desire, your pleasure, the things you feel shame about, your attraction or identity, is to separate yourself from aspects of your whole self.

To be separated from parts of your whole self is to not feel your joy and pleasure as those feelings will eclipse any real joy and wholeness you might otherwise feel.

If you want to feel whole, it means you get to accept and welcome every one of these aspects of self and reclaim the fragments:

“The fragmented aspects of self—things that have been in disunion or separation are reknown and reclaimed through the process of being assumed. In other words, you become whole, and holy.” -Paul Selig, Alchemy

The totality of your full unbridled, holistic expression means aligning all parts of yourself so that your full, whole expression can come forward.

You get to call every missing part home to you and integrate them into the whole of who you are today, and into how you express your being.

There is no other way to do this. As long as you exile them, you will not feel whole and you will miss out on joy and pleasure.

There are so many things that hold people back about their sexuality that a lot of times we just haven’t had any permission to do the integrative healing work or to talk about it in a way that is really productive for us and realigns us to all of who we are.

Underneath the idea of sexual brokenness is the idea that you are never going to have the sexually vibrant life, the orgasms, the pleasure, the ecstasy and deep intimacy you wish for, or that you won’t feel the desire, or feel desired in the way that others do.

There are so many things that hold people back about their sexuality that often we just haven’t had any space or permission to do the work to heal it, or to talk about it in a way that helps us grow.

Maybe you need more education about your body.

Maybe you need to understand more about how your pleasure works.

Maybe you don’t have the skills to identify and ask for what you want in your sexual relationship.

Maybe there is some healing that you need to do, or there is some shame that needs to be addressed.

A huge component of experiential sexuality work is creating an open, receptive space in which to realign and heal. That means giving ourselves permission and space to heal and explore, to rediscover what may have gotten lost.

We all have some sexual shame to heal or some messages we may have taken in that tell us something about us is broken. An enormously powerful aspect of this work is the healing around sexual shame that we need.

You are not broken.

There is just something that you need that you never got, and now you get to receive it and change that old story and the patterns that go with it.

Or there is something you get to reintegrate into your whole being.

Don’t believe the lie anymore. It’s a story. You’re not sexually broken.

That voice is just the canary in the coal mine calling you home.


If you are someone who is ready to do this reintegration work and you are ready to stop believing the lies you have internalized about your own sexuality and sexual potential, sign up for a sexuality activation call with me and my team and see what is here for you.