Adapted from my class The Journey To Sexual Wholeness: The 7 Gateways to Sexual Empowerment.
Many of you know that I’ve worked with thousands of people around sexuality and relationships over my 20-year career—in fact September was my actual 20th anniversary! In those 20 years, I’ve heard a lot of stories and I’ve talked to so many people about their sexual lives, their frustrations, their pleasure and their joys and the things that they really want sexually.
I’ve had the absolute honor of helping so many people have break-throughs in their own sexual lives and I have seen what it takes for people to have what they really want, and what it looks like when they step into their own true personal empowerment. I have a clear sense of what the gateways are for people to step into the fullness and wholeness of their sexual selves.
There are seven gates any person must walk through in order to become fully sexually empowered, engaged and to be agent over their own sexual life. Every person will face these 7 gates, and decide whether to walk through them. A couple weeks ago I shared an article on the first two gateways, outlining how to start your journey. Now that you are on the road, here are the next two gates on the journey to sexual wholeness.
Gate 3: Releasing the lies, stories, ideas that hold you back from your true sexual self
You have to make room and get rid of the guck that has been in your way.Coming home to the whole self means letting go of the guilt, shame, embarrassment, competition, and comparison that keep you fragmented and not feeling whole. It means having spaces and containers where you can let go of the guilt and shame and work on your destructive patterns of competition and comparison that all women are taught. It means doing your healing work.
None of us grow up without experiencing some shame, guilt or trauma that gets in our way, or without some false ideas of who we are supposed to be as sexual people, holding us back from being who we really want to be.
This gate is the clearing out. It’s the excavation. It’s the space maker. You have to remove the harmful things you’ve learned so you can fill yourself back up with the things that will bring you what you want.
I have stood with so many people as they worked this gate. The healing, the tears, the release, the moving through—they committed to their own healing and raising themselves up and they did it!
It’s a beautiful place, even though it is challenging because of the space it creates. The relief. When there is a void, the universe fills it, so, the key is knowing what to fill that void with so you can actually have what you want. This leads right into Gate number 4.
Gate 4: Getting to Know the Sexual Self
At this point in your journey, there is a reawakening going on. That means discarding much of what you think you knew and becoming curious about what is really here.
Ask yourself, “Who am I as a sexual being?” Maybe you thought you knew, but are you are different now? You are in a different place. You are expanding your life and your being. Who are you and what do you really desire? You have let go of the ideas of what everyone else wants for you and you are now embracing what you truly want for you.
So in this gate you find out what you want. You get to be curious about your sexual self. Learn and open to what is unfolding NOW.
This is about being in a space where you can really explore your sexuality with guides who can help you, be it books, human wisdom, magical lovers, comrades on the journey, caretakers, healers, teachers. What is possible? What is out there?
There is a huge field of exploration and you run up to your edges and play. Push yourself to take risks so you really begin to know who you are. Find your true yes, and where that yes ends. Find your no; don’t be afraid of it.
This is the true stepping in… welcome to the exciting part, the part where new experiences happen and you expand your capacity exponentially.
When you walk through these gates, don’t forget to breathe in the spaciousness, and bask in the joy of exploration. This is the fun part! We have three gates left to explore. If you want to read ahead, you can download the notes from my call The Journey to Sexual Wholeness: The 7 Gates of Sexual Empowerment.