Adapted from my class Journey To Sexual Wholeness: The 7 Gateways to Sexual Empowerment. 

I have midwifed so many women through a process of stepping into their personal power and in creating the sexual and financial fulfillment they deeply desire. And I have done it myself. I know what it takes. I know that you can’t fake it. (Although many people try.) I know how much is possible when you sign up for the bigger life package, the I’m all-in, I want it all, I’m not settling anymore, I’m claiming my birthright package. It is within reach for every person who wants it and is committed to growing so they can have it.

I know the fear that comes up. The “Can I really do this? Can I really have this? Is this real? Where do I start? What if I fail? What if I grow and then get rejected? What if other things in my life have to change?”

Things will change. They have to…that’s why you are on a path of change and growth. Growth by nature is change and yet everyone loves to talk about how much they love to grow, yet they often don’t want to change. I hope you can laugh at the irony in this because I hear it from people all the time.

Either you want to grow or you don’t. If you aren’t growing, you are withering because everything is in motion—nothing is stagnant. If you feel stagnant, you are not growing.  You are going in the wrong direction.

So I want to talk about what this path of sexual growth requires of you, and how to start your journey to sexual empowerment.

Waking Up

The first gateway to sexual empowerment is an awakening. You might have already passed this threshold, or you might be standing right on it.

This is the awakening of the sexual self, of the desire that is in you to grow, be bigger and more sexually powerful and to expand your experience of the world. I now women are at this gate when they say to me, “I want more, I am ready to grow and I know the growth has to do with my sexuality.” They know that this is the place that holds the key to their greatest fulfillment and joy.

At this gate, you must give yourself permission.  Know you deserve it, allow yourself to do what is most in service to what you desire, and to your growth. You must step beyond the gate even as your fears come up, even as you are afraid of what it might mean. You must walk through to begin to have more of yourself, more integration, more honesty.

In saying yes to your sexual self, you wake from the fog and fuzzy dream that has kept you asleep, kept you settling for less than you wanted, kept you ignoring the true depth of your desires.

This is the first big “YES” that puts you on the path of your sexual blossoming. You have to give it to yourself. No one else gives you that permission but you. Step into a great big yes, and you are on the road.

Becoming Sexually Conscious on the Journey

Once you are on the road, you must become conscious. You must face the things you’ve not seen before and how you have been in your own way, holding yourself back.

Begin to ask yourself the right questions, to engage with the journey in a different way.  What does sexuality mean to me?  How has our sex-negative culture influenced my sexuality and sexual expression?  In what ways does my sexuality impact the rest of my life?

You are breaking away from the major tide in our culture that treats sex as bad and creates all this negativity and fear around it.  Separate yourself from the culture that judges women who are sexually powerful, call bullshit and decide you want to be one of those sexually powerful women; you know it’s deeper and more meaningful than glossy cover girls and skinny mid-drifts.

You are the woman who wants to stand in her own power, and is no longer standing outside of herself but is asking herself the deep, tender questions and listening for the answers. 

You now begin to treat sexuality as important enough to keep walking this road, to spend money/time/energy on it; to ask for support and to choose being conscious over the denial that has kept you really unhappy. You begin to see that you need people with you who will welcome your blossoming and not shame you or put you down.

At this point, your awakened conscious self has opened up the space to take a deeper look at where you are sexually, and where the journey is leading.  Join me for an encore of The Journey to Sexual Wholeness: The 7 Gateways to Sexual Empowerment to find out where to go from here.